Recently I hopped on the Game of Thrones bandwagon (a little late, I know) but I have decided not to write an article recapping or highlighting the first two seasons. Instead I would like to take this opportunity to do some unnecessary (but always entertaining) theorizing! My topic of choice? King Joffrey the Crapheart.
***Mild SPOILERS for Game of Thrones S1 & S2 ahead***
In the world of Game of Thrones Joffrey Baratheon is the son of King Robert Baratheon and is quite the little shit. It is later revealed that Joffrey is not Robert’s son but in fact a child of incest between his mother Cersei and his uncle/father Jaime. Quite the shock for the uninitiated, but we are initiated (aren’t we Bruce?) Anyways, Joffrey later becomes King when his “father” kicks the bucket and he basically is Sid from Toy Story with a throne and an army at his command. He orders the death of his future father-in-law, gets his rocks off on prostitutes mutilating each other and overall is an abomination of a human being. The genesis of such monsters is always open to debate – is it nature or nurture? My friends, it brings me no pleasure to say that the blame for Joffrey falls on neither. The blame belongs to Batman alone.
It wasn’t that long ago that Joffrey the Crapheart was merely a little boy living in the underprivileged part of Gotham City known as “The Narrows.” Whispers of the caped vigilante “The Batman” were spreading and Joffrey just wanted to share in the daily gossip, but experts say that “the other kids wouldn’t believe him.” So it came that one night when his characteristically loving parents were having their first fight ever and Joffrey went out on the balcony to catch some fresh smog/air when he first saw Batman. Joffrey had a brief “conversation” with the pointy-eared man hanging on the side of his building, which ended with the vigilante tossing him a “Bat-Periscope” and going on his merry way. It is widely speculated that with this device, Joffrey became the pervy perv that he is today. And to receive a gift from the Legendary Batman? Sweet Joffrey’s ego grew 3 sizes that day. Sometime after that fateful night Joffrey surely stumbled upon a wormhole that brought him to the Seven Kingdoms of Game of Thrones, where his craphearted hubris continued in its gluttony.
So it is highly likely that The Dark Knight caused the creation of the Cruel King of Puberty. Then again, maybe it’s Katie Holmes fault. I find that more believable. Check out the video below and come to your own conclusion.