And in other news that hit the internet two days ago but I was just too damn lazy to write about, Mark Wahlberg has been cast to star in the next Transformers movie. Insiders say that Wahlberg has signed on to portray what Michael Bay describes as “the funkiest, sexiest and most relatable explosion for white people and the blacks that has ever been put on film.” Those unfamiliar with Wahlberg’s work might recognize him as the blandest and most inhuman performance in a movie full of monkeys in Planet of the Apes as well as the man attached to that abnormally long piece of genitalia in Boogie Nights.
Wahlberg and Bay are also working together on an action/comedy movie called Pain & Gain, which is based on a true story about “a couple of Florida steroid-abusing knucklehead bodybuilders who become criminals involved in an extortion ring and a kidnapping plot that goes horribly awry.”
Currently both men involved the real-life crime are sitting on death row. Hilarious! Comedy gold Mr. Bay.